poopflow: doing everything for your friends and putting them first and they still end up abandoning you (✿◠‿◠)
I'M SO SICK RIGHT NOW I ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE DEATH
techiejellyfish: i-will-eviscerate—you: the-fandoms-are-cool: urbanfuck: my mother must be so proud of her lazy, rebellious, anxiety-ridden, depressed child your mother must be so proud of her strong, smart child who lives each day dealing with anxiety and depression and still holds on this is beautiful
*Mom hands me phone to answer*
Telemarketer: Hello, is your mother home?
Me: I have no mother.
Her: Well can I speak to your father?
Me: Yeah, which one?
Her: Which one is home?
Me: Well they're both home..but I don't think you want to talk to Carlos. He just went through a breakup with his boyfriend, Antonio.
Her: Oh, so your fathers' names are Carlos and Antonio?
Me: No, no! My fathers' names are Carlos and Mark.
Her: So who's Antonio?
Me: I just told you, Carlos's ex.
Her: So Carlos was cheating?
Me: Yes, but that's only because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.
Her: So Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?
Me: No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.
Her: So Mark wasn't cheating?
Me: I never said that.
Her: Yes, yes you did!
Me: No I didn't.
Her: Y-yes! You did!
Me: Did what?
Her: Y-you- Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.
letterstogodptiii: tea-books-and-blankets: yaygocats: discomplete: “i want to wear shorts because it’s hot but i really hate my legs” an autobiography “I want to wear shorts but i didnt shave” the sequel. “I want to wear shorts but I don’t tan and I’d rather not blind you” The trilogy “I want to wear shorts but my huge dick always sticks out” a pop-up book
rachisamazin: donttouchmynewtonballs: dysphorism: can you kill yourself without making a commitment to death forever like just die for a year or something then be like im back bitches
Reblog if you've formed a meaningful relationship...
yahoosbestfriend: obsessive-possessive: katyissuperwholocked: superwhoavengehobbitpotterlock: You are allowed to drink when you’re 16. You are allowed in clubs when you’re 18. You receive free education. You receive economic support while studying. You enjoy free hospitalization. You’ll be correctly informed by objective news channels. Sounds like The Netherlands, aside from that...
robertoluongo: in grade 8 i did a power point presentation on “whooping cough” and my opening slide was a photo of whoopi goldberg coughing and i was the only person who laughed at it and i couldnt start the presentation for like five minutes because i was laughing too hard at my own joke
printed-in-gold: castiel-is-wonderful: sionainnlindsay: castiel-is-wonderful: WAIT HOLD THE FUCK UP IS ‘MRS’ JUST MR’S LIKE BELONGING TO MR OMG Mr comes from the French monsieur, which I think literally translates as ‘my lord’ and basically just means master, and Mrs comes from maistre which is the feminine form of master, so actually—for once—no. This was an extremely relevant...
swaggie2nope: I can’t old sport understand old sport your accent
‘if youre tired during school just go to bed earlier’
rabioheab: earlier this year 2 boys got expelled from my school for going on a teachers email and sending another teacher an email that says “you’re a disgusting little man” and i laugh about it all the time because imagine opening an email from your coworker and thinking it’s important and then it says that
amoying: the bags under my eyes are so heavy because they carry the weight of all my dead hopes and dreams
harryflack: remember when esteban was calling the dead but got put on hold
Police officer: Anything you say will be held against you
Me: Dick Grayson
starksexual: i was at the bus stop with my sister the other day and for no apparent reason, she says: ‘dude, there are more dead people in the world than living people’ and the woman standing beside me whispered ‘holy shit’ and i fucking lost it
njena: i think the reason perfume commercials are so weird is because they have to advertise a smell without using smells
foodchewer: *hides good snacks from family members*